Welcome to Motherhood they say.
Last year my life changed and I became a completely different person. A little baby name Charlotte Reign came into this world and made me her mom. Let me tell you this, nothing in this world can ever prepare you for the journey of what is Motherhood. When you thought you’ve done it all and that you just got your life in order as an adult, motherhood comes bouldering in full force just to shatter every ounce of your own identity that you have built or have gotten to know of yourself.
Welcome to the world of complete unpredictability, extreme sleep deprivation, lack of control and unrealistic expectations because “congratulations” you are a mom. This year I randomly thought to myself how appropriate is it having Mental Wellness Awareness share the same month as Mother’s Day.
The old me and the struggles.
As a new mom I know I’m not at my best mentally yet I’m trying so hard everyday. In my past life (life before baby), I was determined, goal-oriented, a perfectionist, disciplined, a hustler with my business(es); but now in my new life post-baby, I can’t help but to always feel like a failure. Yes, I have a baby who is content, happy, fed and thriving but every other aspect of my life is in shambles. I simply struggle to get all the things I want accomplished, no matter how hard I try.
Everyday I try again and again but after a full day with the babe, I’m already exhausted and I’m back to feeling like a complete failure and a disappointment to myself because I wasn’t able to dedicate the time my business deserves, play and groom our dog, get the laundry done, wash my hair or fit in a proper workout session.
I felt like I finally hit bottom and hated acknowledging what feels like having lost all control of the life I once led. My highly disciplined self would ensure I exercised 5 to 6 days a week, meal prepped on the occasions, stayed cleaned and organized, made sure I had a fully booked weekend of clients, all while making time for friends and family. The self sacrifice and selflessness you innately make as a mom instantaneously makes you lose yourself, feel forgotten, neglected, not because you want to but because the priorities in your life has shifted. Yet I continue to try pushing past the pain of pure exhaustion, hoping the next day will get better and you’ll get back to your old self, when in reality that old self is no longer here.
Giving yourself grace and tossing away the expectations.
Though my life and role in this world has changed, my expectations of myself from the life I once lived hasn’t. I am grateful for the people in my life who have helped me see this.
This Mother’s Day, I will promise to give myself grace, letting go of the old me, I’ve been trying so desperately to hold onto and embracing the new - shifting my expectations I have carried over from my previous life.
And to all the moms out there who might be struggling the same way, I hope you will too because you are a hero to your little human(s) and to me.
Perhaps I’m writing this more for me more than anything but I hope my story will resonate with those who also needed this.
